Happy Birthday to throw me out the window, and photos of Shijing Shan

I have been woken up by some pretty horrible, irritating things in China, but today I think takes the cake. Let me set the scene: I was sleeping very soundly - a feat unto itself if you've ever rested your head on a calcified Chinese mattress with its equally petrified pillow - when I started to stir at this...this...sound. It wasn't the ubiquitous car horn, jackhammering, or random building construction that you sometimes get but which we are for the most part spared because our apartment is on the 18th floor. No, my friends, it was something more nefarious and sinister. Rotten. Evil. The last sound you hear as you pass through the fourth circle of hell. It was "Happy Birthday to You" on a continuous loop. It was a tinny, midi-esque, lyric-less version that had all the acoustic depth of a ambulance siren. In fact, if it weren't for the lack of Doppler effect (meaning it was in motion), I might have thought (and prayed) that it was attached to some sort of vehicle. But of course it wasn't; wherever it was and whatever stationary demon spawn that acted as its sounding board was here to stay.

And on and on and on and on it went. There was never a fleeting hope of this damned song ever ending, for as soon as the final note of the chorus (the "to youuuuu" note) was struck, there, right on top of it like a tailgating pickup truck on 128 in rush hour, was the first note of the song ("Happy Birthday...") in catastrophic, gut wrenching liaison.

After several minutes of me being at least partially awake, I began to consider more lucidly where this horrible racket might be coming from. Let's see...the windows are closed, so that must mean it's either the loudest child's toy in all of creation in use on the ground several hundred feet below; or it's in an adjoining apartment, meaning it must be the second loudest child's toy of all time in order for it to seep through the foot-thick concrete walls. Hey, maybe it's a cellphone...what the hell kind of person has this as a cell phone ring, why haven't they picked up, and why hasn't the person on the other end given up in desperation? Oh, I've got it: someone has this as their alarm tone on their alarm clock. I remember one of my old housemates would sometimes set his alarm the day before and then sleep at his lady friend's house, meaning I would have to lumber into his room in a haze and flip the thing off. The left-on alarm also lead to Elaine borrowing a meat slicer to feed a starving cat, if memory serves.

At this point I was starting to see spots. Mercifully, I was spared "Happy Birthday to You" for about five minutes when an actual car alarm went off. That's right: I was happier to listen to a blaring car alarm then to have to hear that song. However, it was imprinted on my hearing, so when he car alarm went off and the song could once again be heard clearly, it was as if it never left.

While I try to talk myself out of jamming a pencil in my ears, here are some photos I took last week when Liz and I went on a hike up a mountain (Shijing Shan) at a local park (I use that term loosely) about ten minutes (by bus) from our apartment. The full album/slideshow is viewable in slideshow form here. All the photos in that album are represented here, so only check out the slideshow if you want to see the photos in high res and/or sans witty commentary.

To start: in my experience, parks in China are not vast green wilderness or even apportioned public land areas like Central Park; rather, they are a blend of amusement park, tourist attraction, and genuine park. They are closer to a ski resort in the summer time than they are to anything else - and Shijing Shan completes that comparison with a ski lift, a mountaintop restaurant, and this thing, which is not unlike an alpine slide:





But I'm getting ahead of myself. At he base of the mountain (more of a large hill, really) is something straight out of Pigeon Forge, Tennessee: bumper boats, bumper cars, cheesy little shooting galleries, and an "exotic" bird house. If you know Liz, you know she loves birds, but even the awesome grandeur and untold promise of this exotic bird house (basically about the size of two mobile homes) couldn't make us for over the RMB to gain entrance. Look how happy Liz looks outside, with a couple of peacocks tethered to a gold painted bench!

Reel it in a little hon' - your enthusiasm is spooking the locals! Actually, I think this photo is pretty cute, but I digress...

Also, there was, for some reason (art for art's sake) a large bronzed hand, measuring about six feet wide. I could not be convinced to lay in it, Fay Wray style.


Once you get beyond all the tacky stuff at the bottom, the hike is actually quite nice, offering some excellent views of the surrounding scenery...


...Jida (section south of Xiangzhou, where we live)...


...and of Xiangzhou (notice the "Boat Restaurant" on the right hand side).


Our apartment is one of the pinkish/beige buildings at the center of this photo.


Also at the top of the mountain was a neat rock formation, which I dubbed "Chinahenge" even though it most likely has no spiritual or historical bearing on anything.


Finally, at the absolute peak of Shijing Shan is a huge radio tower. It's massive, and is probably the reason that I get clear-as-a-bell cellphone reception in elevators.


Here's an artsy version of the tower, with a red Chinese banner in the foreground.


After we made our way down the mountain, we crossed the street and went over to Haibing Park, which is actually sort of similar to a Western style city park. Of course, this one had some kind of neat birds, such as the common kingfisher, seen here in the middle of a manmade lake...


...some sort of fake crane statuary (still looks pretty neat)...


...and some variety of wagtail (small white, gray, and black, on the cement lip that ringed the pond), so called because it wags its tail when to runs around.


Okay, "Happy Birthday to You" has finally stopped playing, though I can still hear it go on and on and on...to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.